Me again.

I started back to work this week, part time. I am glad it was part time; it really took a lot out of me just to show up 4 days and 6 hours each. I have the same schedule this week.

I am kind of pissed. The place where I work contact me after one week, I dropped off my Dr. excuse to return to work. They told me that I no longer had job but they would hire me back part time. After telling me that, they said I could start the next week. So two fucking weeks after the doctor's O.K. , they O.K. me coming back. If I had purchased short-term disability I know I would have been back to work sooner. I also bet if I had short-term disability my position would have never disappeared. BULLSHIT. If I had been able to seen the Dr a lot sooner I could have been back to work a lot sooner, I sat on my hands for several weeks waiting for another damn Dr.’s appointment.

Well, anyway the people at therapy wanted me work part time to start. There were Dr.’s who wanted to me to think until I reached 6 months or longer until I considered going back to work, I shut them up by telling them then stop the damn bill collectors from calling me for your money. I need the job whether I can work or not. I am fine. I may be only at 75% O.K. but I am better than most others when I am only 75%.

My ribs only hurt only occasionally; my skull has healed almost completely (the reason I always wear a hat). My lung is only 75% but I think it will always be. My brain is only 75%, I have trouble remembering things like names and I have trouble messing up words. I had a little bit of dyslexia before the accident, now it is magnified. We use a three letter short cuts on the computer at work, I almost always get them wrong, I remember the three letters but I almost always get them mixed up. I talk kind of funny; I think I will always come off as “goofy”, that is the way I am. Yes, I still constantly laugh while talking, some people think it is “cute”, I remind them that it will get annoying in time, just ask my wife. I cry all the time, it comes out of nowhere sometimes, most of the time it comes when something sad happens. Like talking to someone I miss or thinking of things in my life were unhappy. During my life I never cried, never. I did not even cry at my brother’s funeral, I was unhappy at the time but I could not cry, just mentioning now leads to an eyeful of tears. I am messed up now in some ways and I will always will be. I’ve accepted it.

One thing that really pisses me off is my shoulders. I constantly complained while in the hospital that led to an x-ray that led to nothing. I complained to all the fucking Dr.’s that I have been to. I finally got an appointment to a Dr. that have been to before my accident for my shoulders. It also took so long because he wanted an MRI (it also took a long time because he is never in and impossible to get an appointment) I tried an MRI after being doped up before and I could not stand it. Now I can’t even stand to get in a drive through at Burger King, I can’t stand being trapped in line. He gave me a couple of shots into the shoulders and sent me on the way. It only worked 80% on my left shoulder and my right shoulder works only about 20%. I can not raise my right arm and it hurts like hell. Of course, my calling this physician is out of the office until Monday.

I tired Yoga after the shots (it will work after a couple of days); I could not even do simple Yoga stances because my shoulder gave out. 4 months since the accident, my brain is 75%, my lung is 75%, ribs about 90%, skull is 90% and my damn shoulders that were hurting long before the accident is now about 25% O.K. I give him one more chance to take care of this or I am finding someone else. Someone else who will be there when I need them but also be able to fix me. But everything else is healed and heeling and my shoulders still hurts, really hurts damnit. I know something else is going on besides “frozen shoulders”. There is something related to my brain damage or perhaps neck problems from the fall.

These shoulders have been screwed up by this Dr. but was also screwed up by physical therapy at HealthSouth who would not touch this until I visited a Dr. Now I do not have any Physical Therapy visits available by the insurance company. United Health also sucked for not being able to help me. And all those Dr.’s I went to who would not do anything about it: just send me to the specialist is their attitude. Well fuck all of you, I am still messed up. My shoulders hurts.

Well so much for my whining, it is good therapy to bitch and let it out. I am turning more like a women than I like to admit. :)

Well I am back to work, after a few weeks at part time they better put me at full time or I am leaving. I am looking if anyone wants me, I seriously doubt that they doing full time if they can get away with it. I doubt if I could do sales now, because of the way I talk, but I never talked that well before and did all right. Hell, I can do sales. I can probably talk as well as some of them, I am not pretty but never really was. I probably come off as goofy as some salesmen. I am smarter than most, I just don’t come across as such. Yeah, sales is the ticket. I am also looking for a full time Microbiologist position in Tucson, AZ. Interested?