Traffic jam email joke

A Taxi driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago. Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened, what's the hold up?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Rosie O'Donnell, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."

The driver asks, "On average, how much is everyone giving?"

"About a gallon."

Muslims

Two Muslim mothers are sitting in the cafe chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older of the moms pulls out her bag and starts flipping through pictures and reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son, Mohammed. He would be 24 now."

The other mom replies, "I remember him as a baby."

Mom says, "He's a martyr now."

"Oh, so sad, my dear."

Mom flips to another picture. "And this is my second son, Kali. He would be 21."

"Oh I remember him. He had such curly hair when he was born."

Mom sighs, "He's a martyr, too."

"Oh gracious me," says the second mother.

"And this is my third son. My beautiful Ahmed! He would be 18," Mom whispers.

"Yes," says her friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."

"He's a martyr also," Mom says with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photos and says:

"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

The Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, while visiting a Primary school class, found themselves in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked both men if they would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy". So the illustrious Rev Jackson asks the class for an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy."No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."I'm afraid not," explains the exalted Reverend Al. "That's what we would call a great loss."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Reverend Al searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally at the back of the room little Johnny raises his hand. In a stern voice he says: "If a plane carrying the Reverends Jackson and Sharpton were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."
Fantastic!" exclaims Jackson and Sharpton, "That 's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?""Well," says little Johnny, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

Some things are better said by others.

I've been meaning to write about this very subject. In fact, I probably have a rough draft somewhere on my computer. But I am not going to have to finish it. It has already been written and done much better than I.

READ

Real Men Needed

What the hell has happened to this once great country. We are at war and the House votes on a non-binding resolution to not support the Commander-In-Chief? Where are the real men of this country? Why did it get this far?
I've often said that Nancy Pelosi will prove to be the greatest thing to happen to the Republican party, but letting her get a way this shit only emboldens our enemies and more brave U.S. troops will lose their lives because of this vote.
REAL MEN LIKE REPESENTATIVE SAM JOHNSON (R-TX) WENT TO HOUSE FLOOR AND PLEADED WITH THE OTHER REPRESENTATIVES NOT TO VOTE FOR THIS RESOLUTION. Here is his full speech:

“You know, I flew 62 combat missions in the Korean War and 25 missions in the Vietnam War before being shot down. I had the privilege of serving in the United States Air Force for 29 years, attending the prestigious National War College, and commanding two air bases, among other things.

I mention these stories because I view the debate on the floor not just as a U.S. Congressman elected to serve the good people of the Third District in Texas, but also through the lens of a life-long fighter pilot, student of war, a combat warrior, a leader of men, and a Prisoner of War.

Ironically, this week marks the anniversary that I started a new life – and my freedom from prison in Hanoi. I spent nearly seven years as a Prisoner of War in Vietnam, more than half of that time in solitary confinement. I flew out of Hanoi on February 12, 1973 with other long-held Prisoners of War – weighing just 140 pounds. And tomorrow – 34 years ago, I had my homecoming to Texas – a truly unspeakable blessing of freedom.

While in solitary confinement, my captors kept me in leg stocks, like the pilgrims… for 72 days. As you can imagine, they had to carry me out of the stocks because I couldn’t walk. The following day, they put me in leg irons… for 2 ½ years. That’s when you have a tight metal cuff around each ankle – with a foot-long bar connecting the legs.

I still have little feeling in my right arm and my right hand… and my body has never been the same since my nearly 2,500 days of captivity. But I will never let my physical wounds hold me back. Instead, I try to see the silver lining. I say that because in some way … I’m living a dream…a hope I had for the future.

From April 16, 1966 to February 12, 1973 – I prayed that I would return home to the loving embrace of my wife, Shirley, and my three kids, Bob, Gini, and Beverly… And my fellow POWs and I clung to the hope of when – not if – we returned home. We would spend hours tapping on the adjoining cement walls about what we would do when we got home to America. We pledged to quit griping about the way the government was running the war in Vietnam and do something about it… We decided that we would run for office and try to make America a better place for all.

So – little did I know back in my rat-infested 3 x 8 dark and filthy cell that 34 years after my departure from Hell on Earth… I would spend the anniversary of my release pleading for a House panel to back my measure to support and fully fund the troops in harm’s way….and that just days later I would be on the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives surrounded by distinguished veterans urging Congress to support our troops to the hilt. We POWs were still in Vietnam when Washington cut the funding for Vietnam. I know what it does to morale and mission success. Words can not fully describe the horrendous damage of the anti-American efforts against the war back home to the guys on the ground.

Our captors would blare nasty recordings over the loud speaker of Americans protesting back home…tales of Americans spitting on Vietnam veterans when they came home… and worse.
We must never, ever let that happen again.

The pain inflicted by your country’s indifference is tenfold that inflicted by your ruthless captors.

Our troops – and their families – want, need and deserve the full support of the country – and the Congress. Moms and dads watching the news need to know that the Congress will not leave their sons and daughters in harm’s way without support.

Since the President announced his new plan for Iraq last month, there has been steady progress. He changed the rules of engagement and removed political protections. There are reports we wounded the number two of Al Qaeda and killed his deputy. Yes, Al Qaeda operates in Iraq. It’s alleged that top radical jihadist Al-Sadr has fled Iraq – maybe to Iran. And Iraq’s closed its borders with Iran and Syria. The President changed course and offered a new plan …we are making progress. We must seize the opportunity to move forward, not stifle future success.

Debating non-binding resolutions aimed at earning political points only destroys morale, stymies success, and emboldens the enemy.

The grim reality is that this House measure is the first step to cutting funding of the troops…Just ask John Murtha about his ‘slow-bleed’ plan that hamstrings our troops in harm’s way.
Now it’s time to stand up for my friends who did not make it home – and those who fought and died in Iraq - so I can keep my promise that when we got home we would quit griping about the war and do something positive about it…and we must not allow this Congress to leave these troops like the Congress left us.

Today, let my body serve as a brutal reminder that we must not repeat the mistakes of the past… instead learn from them. We must not cut funding for our troops. We must stick by them. We must support them all the way…To our troops we must remain…always faithful.

God bless you and I salute you all. Thank you.”

We need more real men like Sam Johnson, more now than ever.

Forget about the Presidential race.

Forget about the Presidential race for now. My God it's almost 2 yeas away. Who cares who is ahead in the polls now. These polls are nothing but fodder for a slow news day. Hillary supporters would like you to believe that she is ahead and picking up momentum.

News Flash, Hillary will not be our next President. Anyone who thinks otherwise is out of touch with reality.

Who would I vote for President?

You will find your answer here, http://www.gohunter08.com/.

Check him out, I think he is just what this country needs and is someone you would also support.

If you would have only listened to me on 9/21/04

Mr. President,

If only you would have paid attention to my open letter to you dated 9/21/04. This country would be much better off, the Republican party would be much better off and your popularity would be at all time highs instead of all time lows. See reprint below:

Open letter to President Bush

Dear President Bush:

You’ve probably noticed that I have not sent you or the Republican party any money since you were elected. My reason is simple, you no longer represent what I believe. You and your willing accomplices in Congress have been spending tax payer money like a bunch of drunken Democrats. I know there is a war going on and you and the fine U.S. soldiers are doing a very good job, but that does not give you an excuse to spend money excessively in all other areas of the federal government. You came to Washington with the hopes of healing the political riffs there. You O.K’d the spending of money to appease the left. Well it did not work, they turned on you anyway, they always do, just ask your father. So Mr. President if you want my support here are some things I want you to consider:
1.) Stop spending so Damn much money! This country will get along just fine without all of this government bling-bling. Spend as much as you need on the military and for disaster relieve. Everything else can go in the toilet, it’s not the national governments place to spend money on anything different.
2.) Want to reform education? Stop spending federal money on it! You got Teddy Kennedy to write the Education reform spending package, gave it your O.K. and guess what? Teddy Kennedy is screaming to the press that you did not do enough for Education during your campaign for re-election (of course no one in the press took the time to mention his hand in the latest Education bill). Break up the Teacher’s Union, stop tenure for college professors, allow parent’s choice when it comes to education, allow all political voices to be heard on college campuses, and don’t allow drivers licenses until children get a high school diploma (talk about incentive).
3.) Term Limits. We need Term Limits for all members of the Federal Government specifically the House, the Senate and all Federally appointed Judges. http://www.termlimits.org/. You would have been able to get more done if there were fewer career politicians (ex. Tom Daschle) standing in your way. Also, the will of the people would no longer be thwarted by the rulings of liberal Federal (lifetime appointed) Judges.
4.) Bring back the Contract with America and GET FINISHED WHAT WASN’T DONE! If you’ve forgotten, here it is: FIRST, require all laws that apply to the rest of the country also apply equally to the Congress; SECOND, select a major, independent auditing firm to conduct a comprehensive audit of Congress for waste, fraud or abuse; THIRD, cut the number of House committees, and cut committee staff by one-third; FOURTH, limit the terms of all committee chairs; FIFTH, ban the casting of proxy votes in committee; SIXTH, require committee meetings to be open to the public; SEVENTH, require a three-fifths majority vote to pass a tax increase; EIGHTH, guarantee an honest accounting of our Federal Budget by implementing zero base-line budgeting.
5.) Stop pussy-footing around in Iraq. Your approval ratings for Iraq aren’t down because we don’t believe in why we are there, it’s because you’re fighting the war like a tofu-farting sissy. If they are killing our boys while hunkered down in “sacred holy sites” blow ‘em to Hell and back. Those “holy sites” stopped being holy once they were being used to kill our brave troops.
6.) The next time you have a press conference talk to the people who care and understand what you are talking about. Stop answering questions from “reporters” from the New York Times or Los Angles Times or ABC, CBS, NBC,and CNN. Invite Talk radio hosts and bloggers. More people read and listen to these media than do those other “old Media” sources.
7.) Get the hell out of the U.N. It is corrupt, no longer serves its purpose and it serves no one but itself. Get the U.S. out the the U.N. http://www.getusout.org/
8.) Keep standing up for the rights of the unborn. You’ve done O.K. on this front so far. I wish you would have fought harder to get conservative judges appointed though. Grow some testicles and start fighting hard for the rights of the unborn. Yes, the Main Stream Media will beat you up over this, but their influence is a lot less than you think or fear and they are going to beat you up no matter what you do. Which leads me to my next point-
9.) Stop trying to get the left and the Main Stream Media to like you. You’ve shown you can do it on the war in Iraq, now do it in all things you hold dear, such as stopping abortion.
10.) Close the Borders! Deport all illegal immigrants now. Empty Federal prisons of all illegal immigrants and send them back to where they came (put a microchip in their arse first, in case they try to come back). Stop pandering to ILLEGALS!!! They are not our (taxpayer) problem. 11.) Disallow all Federal money to ILLEGAL immigrants. You want to lower hospital costs, stop expecting hospitals to pay for the medical care of illegal immigrants (the cost is just passed on to all others anyway), no welfare, Medicare, or any Federal Tax Payer money should be spent on those who are here illegally.
12.) Tort Reform. This country’s government was supposed to be of the people, by the people and for the people. Instead it has become the government of the lawyers, by the lawyers and for the lawyers. (That line is so good I should have it copyrighted) .
13.) Allow God back into Government. You stood by while those ACLU heathens took away our very foundation to all of our laws, the Ten Commandments, from the Alabama Supreme Court rotunda and you watched as a good and decent man of God, Judge Roy Moore, was suspended. Refer to #8, i.e. grow some testicles.
14.) Get rid of the IRS. Eliminate it. Replace the income with a national sales tax. 10% is good enough for the Church, it should be good enough for the federal government. If it can’t live on it too bad, eliminate most of it and it won’t be so costly.
15.) Eliminate Affirmative Action. It is nothing but Government Sponsored Discrimination. White people of my age have had a whole lifetime of discrimination against us. We are mad as hell about it and we are about to come out swinging and shooting if something isn’t done real soon.
16.) Stop giving taxpayer money to National Public Radio, they only tell one side of the picture, the liberal side.
17.) Give me, well all conservatives, a cable channel. Kids have several channels, Liberals have a whole lot of channels, Golfers have their own channel, Cooks have a channel, music lovers have many channels, sports have many channels, the NFL has their own channel. I could go on and on. I want a conservative channel where we don’t have to listen to a Michael Moore loving, tree hugging, vegan-farting lib screaming over the voice of the conservative. Just one channel where we could watch the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Laura Ingram, Hugh Hewitt, Ben Shapario, Michelle Malkin, Sean Hannity, Michael Medved and Michael Savage. We could do shows about things we care about, family, life, God and Country. We could have bloggers getting national face time doing nothing but reading their blogs over the airwaves - which would be much better than anything on television now.
Now don't get me wrong, you have done some things right and you are good, decent, God-fearing man like myself. You've also done a very good job on the war on Terror. I'm still gonna vote for you. That other guy scares the hell out of me and he would be much worse for this great country.

Respectfully,

Robert Dillon

Required Reading, especially for my sons.

http://www.anncoulter.com/cgi-local/article.cgi?article=164

This explains to you how the Vietnam war is like the war in Iraq.